He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
