I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
