i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
