i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
