I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
