her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
