There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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