just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
