hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
