ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
