Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
