You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
