sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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