no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
