Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
