you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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