Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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