Ketchup is God's man juice
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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