just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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