did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
