for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
