just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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