Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm passing your future prison.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
