Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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