he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
