who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
