Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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