careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
