doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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