New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
