When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
