i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
