I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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