How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry about my life...
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