I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
