Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
