Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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