you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
