omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
