Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
