I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
