I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
