I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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