I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
