Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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