i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
