I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
