Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
