So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
