Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
