The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
