Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Who died my cat blue again?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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